Anger, denial, depression, exceptance. Not sure which school of teaching that is from, but aparently those are the 4 stages of human emotion following an event like, ag I dont know, ending divorcing your wife ‘accidentally’, moving back to another country realising you’ve completely f***ked up your life or placing an ad for an unplanned business and not net getting a single reponse to it.

Yes, I’ve been through all the above mentioned plus the stages of human emotion times four and here I am, once again at the door of exceptance. So many things to accept. So now, suddenly life has taken another direction – if you’re looking at my life right now you’d say make up your mind man, what is it that you actually want?

What I want. What do I want? I want to be close to my little boy who is in Malaysia. I want to live outisde South Africa. I want to travel. I want to earn money.

That is what I want. And I am bordering insanity trying to think about how to get it. It is entirely likely that I have stumbled upon a solution, but it seems to good to be true, so I wont say anything as I’ve made myself look like a right plonker plenty of times over the last 8 months. So maybe I will now think through what I am doing a bit better, and plan beter for any eventuality.

My sister is coming over, we’re going for coffee and food. Hmmm, food. The only constant in my life.

Well now – the ad went out in the newspaper this morning, it’s sitting there looking good, doing what it’s supposed to do ie. advertise my product.

But did the phone ring once? Did have any hit to my site? No. Not one. The numbers are correct and the phone lines are working, but no ring. It is quite possible that people think the product is crap. It is quite possible that nobody has read the newspaper today and thus did not see.

Maybe they will read it tonight, or tomorrow or maybe on the weekend when they go through their stack of newspapers. Cause you know, people do buy the newspaper to stack it at home and read it over the weekend. Yeah, that’s what I will keep telling myself…

Ya well, it’s been a busy day, mostly to get my mind off things, but also because I have to prepare. You see, my business is having it’s first newpaper add placed in a local rag tomorrow and hopefully this will generate some business for me.

I’m planning a tour to Malaysia and it’s a good deal – but unfortunetally I have a non-existing budget and had to choose a popular news paper who’s price was very cheap, and I’m thinking that people that read the paper the most might just not have enough money for the tour.

But we’ll see. The other thing I’ve done was submit my webiste to search engines. If you want to have a look, peek at http://www.eastofwest.co.za/ – Not really globally relevant, but aparently if you mention your website on other website it improves the rankings. Not sure how that work, but who am I to question popular belief.

Anyway, just thought I’d do not. Not sure how many people read these blogs… or mine in particular, so party on garth!

You can only sit and feel sorry for yourself soooo much. Life will pass you by, it’s short. Yesterday was a milestone day for me, because after 3 months of pretty much sitting at home and developing, programming and planning, I spent the whole day in other people’s company. How good that is for the soul.

Last night, against my beter judgement really, I got dragged to a birthday party of a person that I don’t know, with lots of friends that I don’t know either. What a challenge. I’m a social person, loud and outgoing, but these past 3 months and other events have not been very good for my self esteem. I have turned into a real computer nerd with no life. It’s easy to get use to that, it’s hard to get out of it. So last night scared me. But, that too was overcome (with the help of quite a strong welcome drink).

I’m glad to say that this is the start of a new life. How new? New attitude I guess, because I am stil unable to change my circumstance immediately, but the attitude is a start.

The tile is the Afrikaans term for when you get drunk and you get all soppy and emotional. That was me last night. Went to this party, didn’t know anyone, compensated by drinking first beer, and when that did nothing, a lethal mixer (vodka, bacardi & southern comfort, what can I say, it’s all they had). Luckily it was towards the end of the evening otherwise I might just have fallen over… but I was taken home and slept it off in the car.

So anyway, got home and then wrote to my could-soon-be-ex-wife and told her what a low life I had been all these years and admited to all my mistakes and realised that I made them and that I really don’t deserve another chance. On in the male frame of reference, I think this is usually to try and conjure up a feeling of pitty and then consequently being awarded another chance… but I think she was just sitting there nodding going, yes, you’re right, you dont deserve another chance, I’m glad we agree and got that over with.

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

But hey, I guess I beter get used to the concept. You know, you screw up the good things and life and then you have the rest of your life to ponder your mistakes. Ag, my mistakes are many and varied so if ever you need advice, don’t hesitate to ask. Maybe my mistakes can save you from some pain and hurt in your life or the ones you love.

And now for some body cleansing, de-toxing, anti-oxidant rich rooibos tea. Good stuff.