I’ve just slurped down a bowl of noodles with two egg whites. It’s 11:32am and that was breakfast. This is the state of my life. I should have started this blog ions ago, then I would have been updated with my thoughts.

As it is, the voices in my head are starting to become louder than the voice of reason, a very dangerous situation. I’ve hated this year so far. I had personal stresses that actually dates back to last year already, but in January this year I snapped, abandoned my wife and son in Malaysia, return to work in my previous job here in Cape Town, where I was successful before, only to learn that the success has burnt brightly and fused with ancient history. So I quit and put my meager savings into starting my own business.

So this is where I’m at, living with / sponging off my mom (thanks mom), trying to convince people to go on tour with me so that I can share my passion for Asia with them, my wife from whom I’m now separated is dating another man sending me a clear message, and my son of age 2 and a half can speak in 3 languages non of which I’m capable.

It’s a sad state of affairs and I’ve been thinking of suicide, if only people would weep and mourn and bemoan my loss until eternity, it would be worth it, but people don’t – and when you’re gone you’re gone, no more experiences, no more hugging your son, no more emotions, be they good or bad or terrible. So suicide obviously is a one time indulgence with absolutely no benefit to anybody, most notably one self. So ponder I can ponder it all I like, but it is even more cowardly, senseless and stupid than abandoning my family.

So even though it seems pretty low, there are deeper levels of low than this. I’ve not personally been there (yet), but I’ve seen it. I think this level is quite torturous enough, thank you, and I have no desire of sinking any lower. So my head is turned skyward and I can only go up from here. It’s a matter of time.

I like to think that I’m one of those people that make things happen – and often I do, but by far most of the things in my life has happened to me, not because of me. Not to say it in a poor-me kind of way, what a life I’ve had so far. Co-incidence, lucky breaks, fabulous opportunities, right places at right times, you name it, I’ve had it. They say luck befalls the prepared mind, so I guess my mind is super prepared.

Lets leave it there for now, I always go on a rant and write 10 pages and then never submit it.