There are tons of self-help and self-improvement and self-you-name-it books out there about being positive.

And not for nothing either, because being positive has a major impact on one’s life.  It goes beyond a happy mindset, being friendly, cheerful and all those other attractive qualities.  Being positive impacts on health, it boosts the immune system, lowers stress and, with it, cholesterol levels; to name but a few that I have personal experience of.

There’s plenty of positive reasons to be positive about being positive. But I haven’t been all that positive recently.

The Slippery Slope Of Mental Depression

I caught myself recently, over the last few days especially, being rather negative.  Something I usually don’t dabble in, because I know it’s a pointless, de-constructive waste of energy.  But I’ve been criticising much, finding fault and wallowing in a generally depressed mood.

I swear depression is in the colon, because it’s a really shit place to be.  I associate depression with the colour and smell of dark, red-wine induced faeces; something I certainly want to get away from as soon as possible.

My emotional elevator doesn’t go down to the depression level all that often and when it does, it usually sinks to the basement only briefly, opens the door for a rapid glimpse at exactly why it doesn’t go down there, and then quickly closes rising back up to the happy, bright place of optimism and positive outlooks.

However, the emotional spiral staircase that leads down to the stinky, dank level of depression, is long and slippery.  Once you start down this staircase of despair it’s not so quick and easy to get out.  On the way down you will slip, slide down quick and once you’re knee-deep in that gooey, cold emotional excrement, it’s alarming how soon you can lose your way, get used to it, and worse, start feeling comfortable in it.

There’s two ways out.  Good friends who come down, pinch their noses and extract you from the stickiness of your emotional sewerage, or an image from your memory banks as a profound reminder why you should get out.

Image Initiated Depression Ejection

A miscarriage.

Hating so much you become depressed.  Emotional stress. Impact on your system so great, you eject new life.  Or the new life aborts by itself, not willing to face a world that invoke such emotions.

I’m male. Obviously I can’t ever experience a miscarriage.  Or hate, and not that much, for that matter.

But this is the imagine that forces me to eject from the septic tank that is my depression level.  The image hangs on the wall down there.  It’s the reminder of why I don’t want to be depressed, or why I don’t want to spend any energy on hating, loathing, plotting revenge or dabble in negativity or pessimism.

Nothing good can come from it.

Depression, along with all these other soot-covered emotional states and thoughts, is the inefficient combustion engine of the the mind.  You have to burn so much energy to use it, and all you really can show for it is emotional pollution.

Why bother? It’s not the way I want to live my life. It’s hardly living at all.

Positive Energy

Optimism, on the other hand, is the mind’s perpetual motion machine.

Optimism and a positive outlook seemingly draws energy from the ether. From other people. From your surroundings.  As if by being positive, seeing the good in life, being optimistic, you are somehow connected to the universal power-grid

Positive people have more energy. Positive people live longer.  Positive people are more popular, have less stress, get better service, slice through traffic, stand in the fastest queue, see turtles in the TAR marine park, are healthier, happier and find luck often.

People who claim to be on top of the world, are.  They are on the top of their world.  I know that the top few floors of my mind are the optimism floors.  When I’m there, I’m standing tall, looking out ceiling-to-floor windows with a wide balcony, looking over the landscape and seeing everything that is good.

It smells like freshly brewed coffee, warm bread hot out of the oven.  It’s cool in summer and warm in winter and there’s always fresh air coming through the window.

I like being positive.

I’m a glass half full kind of guy, the one who makes lemon meringue pie when life gives me lemons, I see the silver lining, the light at the end of the tunnel, the bright side, through permanent rose-coloured inlays, with the wind at my back in the sun in my face, already standing on the greener grass.

I may have been on one knee in the shit you created.

But you won’t get me down.

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Alcohol swabs. The rum had the distinct taste of alcohol swabs. Perhaps it was exaggerated. In contrast to the last of the whisky he had mere moments before.

He took another sip. With his palette cleared of the whisky he thought the rum might taste less of alcohol swabs. He was wrong. He took a third sip to be sure the whisky didn’t stick through two rum sips.

It didn’t. It still tasted like alcohol swabs. Like a nurse had grabbed his tongue, ripped open the little envelope with her mouth and quickly rubbed the alcohol swab across it. He took another sip. He was ready for the injection. Pure rum. Inject directly into the blood stream. Alcohol coursing through his veins on its way to his brain. Hoping it would reset his mind and rid him of this weight.

instead, it had a slightly psychedelic effect.

“Carrying the weight of the world”. Who would say that? Who could do that? If you carried the weight of the world on your shoulders, what would you stand on? The world? Surely not. If you did, the world itself would be twice the weight of the world. An infinite loop. Whoever conjured up that phrase must have been on something.

An injection of pure rum perhaps?

But his emotions where truly weighing on his mind. Like, he could imagine, the weight of the world. Only he had nothing to stand on. He felt like he was sinking. But into what, space? You can’t sink into space. Where would you go? Out of the solar system? Wouldn’t that be something akin to perpetual motion?

The rum was slightly hot now. A pool of condensation had formed at the bottom of the bottle. “Gotta keep the mouse away from that”, he thought out loud as he clicked the ‘next’ arrow on a MILF porn slide show he had running on the screen. He took another sip of the alcohol swab. At room temperature it tasted less like alcohol swab and more like the swelling welt where the nurse had pushed in the needle. Slightly salty, distinctly unlike alcohol swab.

This he imagined, because he had never actually licked the welt left by a needle.

He poured another from the bottle. The bottle was still cold. The little puddle of condensation slowly creeping towards his mouse. An optical mouse. The red eye flick-flicking on the table, looking for traction. Trying to get a grip on direction, orientating itself. Trying to establish which way is forward and which is back. Succeeding. Most of the time. Unless it hit something black.

He was an optical mouse and he hit a black spot. He lost traction. He was disorientated. He shook on the screen. He couldn’t quite focus on the icon. Jumped around just too much for the double click.

Maybe another thimble of alcohol swab would cure that. Make it sway, rather than shake.

He tried diluting the weight of the world with alcohol swabs.

He succeeded.

He passed out.

The world, diluted in alcohol swabs, floated before him for a while. Then separated. Piece by piece.

And disappeared.

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During this last week I received a shit-storm of text messages from u-no-hoo.  We’re having not-so-polite exchanges about me seeing my son.

I would like to share a particular line of text from one of the little gems she sent on over: “… I do not want to see him become a blogger, a traveller, eco-warrior with no direction & goals.”

I totally agree with the part of not wanting to see my son with no direction & goals.  She thinks I have none of these.  But alas, just because you do not know of something, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

A blogger

What on earth is wrong with becoming a blogger?

It’s a profession, it’s a talent, it’s a hobby.  And if you do it properly it will earn you a salary from which you can live.

Bloggers provide information, insight and even entertainment - whatever information it is you seek, there’s probably a blogger out there giving it.

Bloggers talk about issues, get them known, network across the Internet, spread the news.  We promote  causes that are right, make known what is wrong, expose corruption, we do marketing, advertising and can even generate donations.

Bloggers are resourceful, innovative, rebellious, we break the mold, we make the mold, we think outside the box, inside the box or without the box.

I would want my son to be a blogger, so that he can explore thinking for himself, can learn how to consider matters from various angles.

I would want my son to be a blogger, so that he can conduct a debate about his views, he can raise questions,  state his opinion, solicit comments and weigh them against what he knows and learn new things.

I would want my son to be a blogger so that he can articulate what he thinks / feels / who he is, and open himself to criticism and be able to look at it objectively to either learn from it or defend it.

I would love for my son to become a blogger.

A traveller

What on earth is wrong with becoming a traveller?

Yes, travelling is probably not for everybody.  If you’re open minded, non-racist, curious, adventurous, interested in the people and the world around you, then travelling is for you.

You will learn much about the other people on this planet and about yourself - you will learn that there is more to life than just your own little world.  You will discover alternative ways of thinking, you will gain understanding of other cultures, what before might have been strange and even scary to you, will become clear within the knowledge you will gain of the cultures you will encounter.

If you’re a narrow-minded, selfish, racist, hateful, know-it-all who thinks you’re superior to other human beings, then for the sake of your own reputation (and safety), the reputation of your country and the self-esteem of the people you may meet if you are considering to travel, don’t! Don’t travel! Travelling is not for you.

Stay at home, keep on thinking you know everything there is to know, that you are right and everybody else is wrong, keep on thinking that your way of thinking is the only correct way.  Keep on hating other cultures mainly because you don’t understand them, live only for yourself and learn nothing new.

I would want my son to be a traveller.

He is half South African and half Malaysian, he should explore at least those two cultures and learn about them as much as he can.  Fortunately both South Africa and Malaysia are multi-cultural, so there’s potential to get in touch with the whole world from within these two countries.

I would love for my son to become a traveller.

Eco-warrior

What on earth is wrong with becoming an eco-warrior?

This should, in fact, be a non-negotiable for everybody born after the year 2000.  It’s all of our responsibility to do as much as possible to keep our earth clean.

To recycle, take part in clean-up operations, use reusable bags instead of taking a new plastic bag everytime, taking shorter showers and all the other things we can do to minimise our impact on the environment, is hardly being an eco-warrior - it’s just being eco concious.

What’s the point of hoping to send your son to university 13 years from now if we’re going to have to wade through rivers and oceans of trash, hide from the sun, eat scraps of synthetic protein, move to higher ground and generally enjoy a progressively poorer quality of life because we’ve ruined our environment?

Go to uni and study about how there used to be plenty of fish in the sea, how we use to be able to drink water straight from rivers, explain to him what a forest is, where the Amazon was and why it was such a great loss?

If you’re not an eco-warrior you’re an eco-fiend.  Frankly, if we were all eco-warriors this earth wouldn’t be in such a poor state.

I would love for my son to become an eco-warrior.

Much worse things to be

There are plenty of things I wouldn’t want my son to be.

I wouldn’t want him to be self absorbed, I wouldn’t want him to be narrow minded, I wouldn’t want him to be hateful, or racist, or spiteful.  I wouldn’t want him to be a person who can never forgive, never compromise, who can’t see other people’s point of view or a person who insults other people or lies to himself to make himself feel better.

As long as he doesn’t push drugs, illegally trade weapons, become a hitman or something equally destructive, as far as I’m concerned, my son can become anything that he wants.

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It was a successful day of un-trashing the beaches and reefs near the Downbelow dive station and we’re happy to report that Gaya island is cleaner.

A big ‘well done’ to Downbelow for organising this event, mentioned a few days ago, to Sabah Parks for assisting in transport, jetty fees and park fees, and to Project AWARE for the sponsorship to make it happen.

But the heroes of the day were the people, divers and non-divers alike, who gave their time and put in so much effort.  Thanks to them a part of one of Kota Kinabalu’s biggest islands, Pulau Gaya, is now much cleaner and the reefs the better.

The day started not too early as we departed the Sabah Parks jetty from near the Hyatt in KK city.  It took 3 boat-trips to ferry all the volunteers to the Downbelow dive station, which is located on the grounds of Sabah Park’s Headquarters on Gaya Island.

Following a briefing and a few short speeches by Ev from Downbelow and the Director of Sabah Parks, the 40 odd participants were separated into divers and non-divers, and further broken up into clean-up crews.

Armed with our tools, consisting of hard-knit gloves and plastic bags, for the beach dwellers and net-bags for the divers, we set out for some serious cleaning.  The divers got kitted up for diving on some of Kota Kinabalu’s most colourful reefs, whilst the beach squad dispersed along the beach and into the forest.

I was part of the beach clean-up crew and we quickly discovered where the tide and current preferred to dump the glass bottles, plastic bags, pieces of building wood, and all sorts of other colourful trash, which will be around long after the rest of us are on this planet no longer.  We spent the next couple of hours removing the said items from under rocks, wedged in sand, off the branches of low hanging trees and from under shrubs.

Soon a big and heavy pile of rubbish was collected. Heavy, because there were so many glass bottles, and partly because most of the plastic bag trash were filled with sand before we emptied them.  Before long we had filled all the big trash bags we had, and headed back to the meeting point for a well earned break.

Slowly the other clean-up crews joined us with their contributions of trash.  The divers came back with a lot less trash than what we expected, but instead of being disappointed, we took it as a good sign.  Clean reefs, are good reefs.

We had some well received lunch and polished off litres of orange juice and water.  We even had time for a little bit of frisbee throwing (there’s always time for frisbee - and two people brought frisbees along).

Taking pictures of our trophy trash, a brief mangrove tree planting ceremony and Downbelow cap souvenirs closed off the trash collecting proceedings for the day, before we headed back to the mainland again.

The response for the event was overwhelming and I think Ev had to arrange additional transport for all the volunteers that put up their hands to help us clean up.  Thank you very much to everyone who helped - it’s a small squad against the legions of trash out there, but one by one we can make a difference.

If you’re keen to join similar projects in future, keep your eyes on this blog or surf on over to kkdiveclub.com.  If you live in Kota Kinabalu and love diving, join the club for really affordable dive days.

Or if you just visit KK every now and again for a bit of a diving holiday, you can still keep in touch and we’ll invite you along.

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Although we often treat the sea as such, it is in fact not a giant dustbin.  Most of the rubbish dumped by man linger around for years, even decades, and might never go away.

In fact, in Kota Kinabalu, our bad habbits frequently come back to haunt us.  The rubbish dumped in the ocean not only washes back up on the shores of 5-star resorts and islands, giving a really bad impression to tourists, but it also gets lodged in reefs damaging coral, and is mistaken as food by hungry sea animals which, if it doesn’t kill them, can seriously hurt them.

So, this Saturday we’re taking a bit back from all those bad things we give the environment as we clean-up our shores and reefs.  Join us for a beach reef clean-up, as Downbelow hosts a Project AWARE event endorsed by Sabah Parks.

Project AWARE is a non-profit organisation that focusses on the importance of our marine environment, and actively encourages the preservation thereof through education, advocacy and action.

This Saturday 20 September, Downbelow Dive Centre moves us towards such action as they provide the infrastructure for this event.

We will be heading out to Sabah Park HQ on Gaya island, and will clean up the beach area, river mouth, and also the reefs nearby.  Both divers and non-divers are welcome, and the event is free to join.

We only had space for about 30 people, so let me know soonest if you’re interested but all the spaces have already been filled, sorry.

Time: 10.30am - 4pm
Depart: Sabah Parks Jetty in front of Hyatt Kota Kinabalu
Where: We’ll be cleaning on Gaya Island at Sabah Park Headquarters
Cost: All it will cost you is a bag or 3 of trash.  Otherwise, it’s FREE! Downbelow Dive Centre provides everything you need, it’s sponsored by Project AWARE and Sabah Parks have kindly waived park & jetty fees for participants of this event.
Included: Return boat transfers to the island, lunch, full equipment rental for those diving, park entrance fees, jetty fees

If you want to be part of the next worthwhile event of its kind and help clean up a part of the Tunkul Abdul Rahman Marine Park, then drop me an email or join the KK Dive Club.

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