March was not kind to my body, so I thought I’d end it off with a nice little detox. Turns out I hadn’t experienced the last of Maliciously Menacing March 2009.

I capitalised the month with a little back spasm, underscored it with a severely twisted ankle, italicised it with a gashed finger and now I was about to punctuate it with a little spurt, if you would, of stomach trouble.

We enjoyed a week of excess with the Jules’ Thai friends.  It involved a lot of food, a lot of beer, more beer and more food.  A liquidised diet, was just the ticket for a quick cleanse.  No alcohol, no meat, just fluidly goodness. It all seemed so harmless.

Day 1 was easy. Day 1 of any diet is always easy. Day 2 was fun, I started to enjoy throwing a bunch of stuff in the blender and producing a meal-in-a-glass 2 minutes later. I also played Ultimate on Day 2, it was Tuesday. I think that was my first mistake.

Day 3 I had withdrawal symptoms. Or so I thought. Looking back on it now I was probably just dehydrated. It was painful. Headache, stomach cramps, generally not feeling great. Correctly guessing my body needed something, I decided to make a simple veggie soup, which, of course, I liquidised. Jules (lucky her) had something on, so she missed out on this meal.

Because I incorrectly guessed exactly what my body needed, I made mistake number 2: I added garlic and chilli from my stash in the fridge, both of which were chopped up some time ago and were thus quite mature – no problem for a healthy stomach, but one which had just been flushed of all things vile obviously is susceptible to anything.

On Wednesday night the flood gates opened and wow, if I was looking for a system flush I so found it. Wednesday was novel – woohoo, I thought, toxins begone. Thursday I literally flushed the novelty down the loo – several times. Friday I developed an intense disliking for the loo and, after 6 trips there on Saturday, I became catatonic in an effort to not stir any part of my bowels whatsoever.

Fully aware that it’s quite possible to shit yourself to death, regardless of how much water you drink, I cleverly added adequate amounts of rehydration salts to the tons of water I was drinking. Good move.

On Saturday I reluctantly went to celebrate Earth Hour at the Loft.  Upon hearing my sop(ping) story, Pip suggested I try a Guinness to calm my stomach. It’s supposedly recommended for pregnant women’s health, so why not stretch the goodness of Guinness a wee bit further? One RM24 Guinness later I hoped for a miracle.

Call it a placebo, call it inevitable, call it a great urban legend, but following the Guinness my stomach quieted down and my constitution solidified once more.

All I can say is that I’m glad March is over and I’m still in once piece. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Hello April.

On the way home for lunch this afternoon I drove along the big open canal that runs parallel to the road. It’s a big storm-water permanently filled with water, not sure if it ever was a river. But I think today it was used for raw sewerage dumping.

On a good day it’s quite disgusting – it forever smells of god-knows-what and is usually a dark, murky black-green. In a demented kind of way this isn’t so bad, because it reflects the blue skies, making it seem less dubious than it is.

Today however, as I glanced down the tributary while driving across it, it was an almost bright brown. And not the kind of light, muddy brown you find in the Padas River either, but a murky, sludgy, brown with stuff floating on it.

If raw sewerage was your first thought, then snap, because it was mine too.  And this stuff eventually flows into the ocean near the city and 5-star resorts, so it immediately concerned me.

As I approached my turn-off, I saw the part of the canal near my house was still black-green, but it had loads of bits floating on it, something I’ve never seen before. I realised somebody must have dumped something at a specific point. I got out for a closer look.

As I took these pics I nearly wretched. It smelled like raw sewage and, without going into too much detail, it looked it too. These bits had obviously floated to this part while the bright brown volume had diluted.

This shit, whether it is shit or not, will eventually make it to the sea and, if enough of it was or is dumped, it could go as far as the Tunku Abdul Rahman Marine Park and onto the beaches of the islands and Kota Kinabalu’s 5-star hotels.

At best, it will stink up several housing estates as it flows along wide open sections of the draining system for everyone to see and smell, past the Museum where tourist regularly walk and this shit will be damed up right next to the hospital. Then it will meander along some of KK’s busy office areas and behind a few hotels, certainly stinking up the air and view of the Beverly Hotel (which looks directly onto this ‘river’), past Kota Kinabalu’s UMNO building (will they notice?) and into the sea right next to Sutera Harbour Resort’s Golf Course, where their high paying guests can play the Shit Hole.

It will also likely wash up on the rocks of the  new waterfront development they’re constructing there, which will extend from the mouth of this open sewer. If this kind of thing continues, tourists will be repulsed off the Waterfront and away from KK and Sabah.

So, who monitors this kind of thing and how are they held accountable? Is KK’s waterways just a dumping ground? We see a lot of rubbish being dumped in here. Has it now just gone a step further to where KK dumps it raw sewage for the sea to take care of?

When will the authorities realise that KK’s rubbish pollution, and if this is raw sewerage, will not only make Kota Kinabalu’s residents sick, but their tourism industry too?

This crossed my inbox today – it’s about a Microsoft case study on OpenOffice.org.

It certainly tickled me, so I thought I’d share…

From: <it doesn’t matter>
To: 1Earth
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 3:56:01 PM
Subject: Questions – Microsoft Casestudy

…

I need to reply to a case study from Microsoft on Open Office. Apparently they want to know why you chose to use Open Office vs Powerpoint to create Channel 18 or something (I’m not sure, but MIS mentioned you were the only one using Open Office in SHR). Can you provide me with some answers to the questions below:

• Were they just trialing or were they former Open Office users?
• How many PCs?
• When did this happen?
• What impression did they have on Open Office that made them decide to try?
• What are the customer pain points?
• What are the reasons why they’ve switched from Open Office to Microsoft
• What were the end results and supported by statistics

I would appreciate your feedback before the end of the week.

Wow, if only I could reply to them directly so that I know it wouldn’t get edited. But what the hell, I replied to the person asking anyway….

From: 1Earth
Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 5:08 PM
To: <it really doesn’t matter>
Subject: Re: Questions – Microsoft Casestudy

…  I love an opportunity to tell Microsoft why they suck – it would be great if you didn’t edit this. Go on, blame me

- Were they trailing or were they former Open Office users?
I’m a looooooooong time Open Office user.

- How many PCs?
2 – the one I created it on and the one it ran on. Given half a chance I would install it on every PC I encounter.

- When did this happen?
In 2007 already – November, December? I can’t remember exactly.

- What impression did they have on Open Office that decided them to try?
The main motivation was that it was free and quick.
I didn’t have to beg somebody in MIS for weeks, who had to beg somebody in Finance for months, who had to shell out lots of RM to Microsoft for another license.
Secondly, but almost as important, was that I knew it would run unattended for extensive periods without crashing.
Thirdly, it was easy to quickly show the Concierge how to work the basics they needed, as the interface is intuitive.

- What are the customer pain points?
Haha, as in what pains me about Powerpoint? Where to start… but for the sake of brevity, the reverse of the points above will do.
I would have had to get another expensive license to run another copy on another machine.
I can’t trust PowerPoint with all sorts of slides to run for long periods without mysteriously crashing.
I would have needed several hours to teach the Concierge how to do the basic stuff in case of trouble.

- What are the reasons they switched from Open Office to Microsoft?
Oh, I didn’t switch back to Microsoft, I left SH. I’m still happily using the ever improving Open Office.

- What were the end results supported by statistics?
The end results is that often free, open source software are more reliable and increasingly easier to use than Microsoft’s propriety, expensive, closed source software. Microsoft’s declining share in many of their software markets are statistics, I’m sure, they’re well aware of and don’t need me to supply to them.

It’s a fat pleasure

The sarcasm was largely unintended, but Microsoft doesn’t bring out the best in me.

I honestly see the best in South Africa (the South African High Comm in Kuala Lumpur is an exception, I don’t see anything in them).

When I find articles about mostly doom-n-gloom in South Africa, I nevertheless know good things happen there, it’s just not written about internationally all that much.

But silver linings evaporate when the South African government embarrasses all its citizens on the international stage.

SA’s Comedy Of Errors

In recent memory there was the HIV-doesn’t-exist scandal closely followed by the beet-root-and-garlic-against-HIV comedy show put on by the then president and his Health minister. And who can forget the arms-deal fiasco, the consequent conviction of Shabir Shaik as 1 half of a corrupt relationship and his recent release on medical parole due to his ‘life threatening sickness’?

Do I even have to mention the other half of that corrupt relationship, who is yet to stand trail for his share, but probably won’t because he’s likely to become the next president of South Africa and will be protected by whatever laws are yet to be written. The same man who headed South Africa’s AIDS Council, but said he wouldn’t get HIV after having sex with an HIV infected woman, because he took a shower!?

Yes, Jacob Zuma – adored by the millions locally who he embarrasses internationally.

SA says Voetsek Dalai Lama

And now I see reports of the Dalai Lama being refused entry into South Africa during the 2010 Football World Cup.

This revered person wants to attend a peace conference in Joburg during next year’s 2010 Football World Cup (which South Africa is hosting, in case your interest in football is zero). He was invited by Nobel Peace Prize winners Nelson Mandela, F.W. De Klerk and Desmond Tutu.

However, the SA High Commissioner in New Delhi, SF Moloi, refused to process his visa application, suggesting instead that he postpone his trip.

The question I immediately asked is why would South Africa deny entry to the Dalai Lama?

The Communist People’s Republic Of Chinese South Africa

TheTimes.co.za reports that current SA President Kgalema Motlanthe’s spokesperson, Thabo Masebe, said “…This issue is that this simply would not be in the best interests of South Africa at this stage”. And like an inquisitive 5-year old I just couldn’t help ask again, why?

Let see – the world cup will focus global attention on South Africa. If this peace conference is in South Africa during the World Cup and the Dalai Lama attend, there sure will be a lot of global attention on the Tibet issue.

Tibet? China doesn’t like Tibet to get global attention. So China wouldn’t like the Dalai Lama to travel to South Africa where there will be an opportunity for global attention.

But hang on. Surely South Africa is not the puppet of China?

Well, it was reported that the same spokesperson for the President said “…the decision was made by the government and not by the People’s Republic of China.” According to an IOL Report Ronnie Mapoema, Foreign Affairs Spokesperson proclaimed with great bravado that “This place is called the Republic of South Africa and not China and thus makes its own sovereign, independent decisions based on what it deems to be in the best interests of the country.”

However, when TheTimes.co.za got a comment from an official at the Chinese embassy in Pretoria, they reportedly said that China did appeal to the South African government not to allow the Dalai Lama access to South Africa to attend this event.

They added that China warned that doing so would harm bilateral relations with South Africa.

What bilateral relations?

South Africa is responsible for 20% of the trade between the African continent and China. China invests a not-too-modest sum of US$6-billion in South Africa, whilst South Africa reciprocates with US$2-billion of investment in China.

And then, queue the clowns, you’re not so shocked when you read that Jacob “100%-sure-I’ll-be-President” Zuma spent some quality time in Beijing last year.

So now I can’t help wondering… Jacob Zuma went to Beijing. He didn’t go there to perform a James & Bobby Purify number, I’m your Puppet (although he might have been humming it).

Did he then go to illustrate to the resource-hungry-and-dollar-saturated government of China exactly how much of the South African government you can buy for a few billion dollars? And did he stick his hand under the table, like Shabir Shaik tried to do on his behalf with Thomson CFS, for a few informal incentive transactions?

Your Government Needs You… to bend over and get screwed

Corruption and screwing your people over on the domestic front is one thing – it seems to be the sole mission of most governments today – but it seems the South African government is selling cheaply their ideals and the freedom they themselves waged war over for decades, for a few billion US dollars. A good chunk of which is inevitably earmarked for their own pockets and those loyal to them.

If the South African government really stands for democracy, freedom and peace, they will not feel pressure to succumb to China’s demands to ban somebody who represents the struggle to get back the freedoms and self determination stolen from them all those decades ago.

But the South African government is like a botnet – when you need dirty work done, you simply buy a part of it and sit back and watch as your dubious aims are achieved.

Let the Dalai Lama enter South Africa!

Exactly three weeks after the incident where I nearly broke my ankle (exagerated for effect), I returned to the Ultimate field at Tanjung Aru yesterday.  Without my ankle guard, which I mysteriously lost.

I started my birthday-month with a bang on the first of March.  Actually, it was more of a crack, because that’s the noise my ankle made as I twisted it after successfully skying Joel.  Never has victory been this painful.

Julia rushed to pile ice on it, Bryan recommended sleeping with it elevated (which I did), and I cleverly bandaged it up tight for two weeks afterwards.  These action, according to the experts on the Internet, minimised the impact of the ankle injury and cut down my recovery time considerably.

Ever since the pain subsided and I regained painless movement of the ankle, I’ve been doing light rolls and other exercises to keep the ankle nimble and strengthen it again.  I couldn’t walk on it for about 10 days after the accident.  After two weeks I felt confident enough to not wrap it up any more and I tested it as I took it easy going up the steps to see how tough it was.  It held up just fine.

On Friday I had an easy-going Ultimate game on the beach, but played only a short while before I called it quits, not wanting to tire out the ankle.  I was wearing the ankle guard that Julia got me, so my foot felt well supported, but I was playing it safe.  After the game I swear I put the guard in the bag, but looking for it on Sunday it was nowhere to be found. Disappointment all around.

Before the Sunday game I did a few hops, skips and jumps and had no feelings of pain in or around my ankle and decided to brave a full on game of Ultimate with cleats.  Taking it easy still, letting my right foot do all the breaking and accelerating, I managed a whole game injury free.  My ankle also hasn’t felt pain or discomfort since and I think I’m well on the way to a full recovery.

My throwing arm and legs, however, wasn’t so fortunate, because they certainly feel like I haven’t used them in the 3 weeks since my last Ultimate game.

Thank goodness for healed ankles, because now I can get my exercise regime back on track.  My previously dissolved love handles have been clawing their way back again and we can’t have that, now can we?