This is an explicit post. Prudes, turn back now.
Like it was in Phuket, beers in Bangkok are cheaper in the mini-markets in Bangkok too. I pick up a large Chang (I know I said I wouldn’t drink it anymore, but I forgot) for THB50 and Julia gets a Smirnoff Ice for something like THB 60.
It’s 11pm already, but after the Subway sandwiches we had shortly after checking in to Maxim’s Inn, we didn’t really feel like dinner. So obviously now we’re a bit peckish. With beers in hand we walk down the crowded sidewalks around Sukhumvit looking at all the t-shirts, shorts, shoes, watches, bags, you name it and food, packed in so tightly that there’s really only room enough for a single file of people to walk past. Where do people stop when they actually want to buy something?
Julia walks past something she’s craved ever since we got to Thailand: pigs-in-a-blanket. These little cholesterol bombs are annoyingly delicious pork sausages wrapped in annoyingly moreish bacon.
I quietly damn my cholesterol gene to hell as we sit down and order a few pigs-in-a-blankets and a selection of other nibbles from the vendor’s colourful cart. These types of food often go well with beer, and we’re happy that we have some.
Once upon a time in the west…
With our stomachs full and not sleepy at all, we discover that we’re just around the corner from Soi Cowboy. Soi Cowboy is what I imagine Patpong was a long long time ago – it’s a short street full of what they call a go go bars. A go go bars is a meat market – it works much like the little stalls you’ll see on the sidewalk – people exhibit their wares, you choose what you want and pay accordingly. Only the ‘wares’ in Soi Cowboy are female bodies. Having read much about this, we’re a little curious.
There are, of course, many debates, feminist and otherwise, around such practices and supporting it, but we choose to ignore those tonight as we head around the corner to Soi Cowboy. My memories now of Soi Cowboy, for some reason, are in shades of black and white – I’m not sure why this is, because I remember it being a very colourful place with loads of neon signs everywhere, with men and women hanging outside their establishments with an assortment of funny ha ha and funny peculiar signs.
There are no upstairs entrances in Soi Cowboy that I saw, unlike we read Patpong has, so all the bars front the road, which is probably about 100m long. We did some research about what to expect and where to go and after walking the length of the road once and doubling back, we find ourselves in front of Susie Wong’s, one of the safe places we read about. They have a small veranda fronting the road, so we sit down for a drink – Small Chang for THB100 and a Bacardi Orange for THB 150 – quite reasonable.
After people watching for a while Julia gets curious and decides to peek inside. Then she urgently asks the doorman if we can go in with our drinks and after confirming that we can, she hurries over and tells me “come, you have to see this.” I settle our bill (different prices inside) and we go in.
And now for the explicit part
The club is not huge, but it’s a lot bigger than the little broom-cupboard we went to in Patong. Seating, about 3 rows deep, encircles an elongated, oval stage. At present there are 4 rather sexy girls in pairs on stage, all butt naked, with one of each of the pairs on their knees between the spread legs of the other, their tongues playing their parts in this lesbian show.
I’m not sure where to look. The movements are slow and sensual and I think a song by Celine Dion was playing. The room, currently lit by black-light only, is pretty full with a mix of mostly single men with bar girls, a few couples, and a group of foreign girls, all transfixed on stage where one of each of the pairs is lapping up the womanhood of the other.
As the music finishes, so do the show, and nonchalantly the girls pick up the pieces of clothing, which they undoubtedly took of slowly and sensually before we came in, and exit the stage into a dark corner of the club. Some neon lights come on, but the lighting stays dim. Then about 14 girls spill out from some area towards the back of the club and as they make their way onto the stage they whip off their tops.
Some more upbeat music comes on and they start to dance, each holding on to a pole. Some of them look like they’re having fun, but most seem to be staring into space – all of them are young and fairly pretty. Each has a number pinned to the lower part of their skirts, like the top-less segment in a Miss World contest. The idea here being to whisper the number of the desired girl to your hostess, who will then bring them over and have them entertain you in any way you may want to pay for.
Julia and I sip on our drinks and discuss the surreal nature of it all – the venue, the spectators, the girls, us sitting there together. The topless girls stay on stage for about 4 songs and then grab theirs tops, putting it back on as they disappear off the stage back into the back of the club. At the same time another set of girls come on, but after getting into place at their chosen positions next to the poles, they disrobe completely and start dancing nude.
Long Gun – Cocked and ready to shoot
They stay on for 3 songs before being replaced by the only-topless girls again. With our drinks finished Julia and I decide to go check out another club. Back on the Soi Cowboy we head to the end of the road, dodging people selling bags of veggies for THB20 to feed their elephant with and end up in front of Long Gun. This is another of the safe venues we read about and as there’s no outside area to have a drink at, we head straight in.
Long Gun is heaving – the music is loud, the venue, with a very similar layout to the Susie Wong’s is packed and on stage there are 3 good-looking girls, full clothed at this stage, dancing. They’re all wearing black outfits with boots that come up to their thighs. The crowd consists of more group of people – groups of men, mixed groups of men and women and even a few groups of woman only.
All the seats away from the stage is full, so we’re ushered to sit right next to the stage, cranking our necks up to see. The strip show is spectacular, the women using the poles with acrobatic agility, hoisting themselves up, flipping over and ‘walking’ on the roof. The heels of their boots are heavy, and as they fall down from the roof and land, doing the splits, the heels slams loudly on the stage floor. The crowd is captivated.
After a while of dancing they slowly start to disrobe, with each item of clothing doing more tricks, people sticking money into their underwear and boots. Eventually, apart from the boots, they are naked and continue doing the somersaults and the splits. At one point one woman holds on to the poles, does a somersault with her booted legs stretched out and lands with one heel each on Julia and my shoulders. She drags her legs off slowly as she hoist herself back up the poles, forcing us forward.
After they’re done, to huge applause from the crowd, they exit the stage and are replaced by 3 or 4 other girls who proceed to dance. The club cleared a little bit so we move towards the back, just in time to see the girls pull unbelievably long cords of coloured flowers from their nether regions. A Tiger Show, we think as we look at each other, but with much better looking people than Patong. The show continues with shooting darts to pop balloons and a smoking cigarettes, before they too are replaced with dancing girls.
Having experienced what we wanted we head out back into the relatively cool air of Soi Cowboy and make our way home. The merchandise stalls that littered the sidewalks before has now been replaced by food stalls and informal bars. They are packed with people drinking for relatively cheaper and eating delicious looking food. Julia convinces me to stop for a meat-ball soup and a Thai salad.
The soup was great, flavoursome, fresh and spicy. The salad was decent too, although it was the hottest thing I would eat this holiday – the first thing to literally burn straight through me. There was also a crab claw in the salad, which we didn’t eat, but I’m always suspicious of seafood – so the ‘burning straight through’ might have had something to do with that.
Having learned our lesson from Phi Phi, our night ended with loads of water.