The Talk in Bangsar: Ian’s Birthday

About the only time we had to stop and think for a bit was right after we arrived at KL Central and we spent ten minutes or so waiting for Julia’s brother Jon.

We had, in the meantime, established that our friends, Ian and Eve, were at a place called The Talk in Bangsar, luckily not too far away from where we were staying. Jon and his friend Mas arrived in good time and whisked us away to our accommodation for the trip with just enough time there to take a quick shower.

The Talk in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur.  Sushi Bar slash just plain bar.Momentarily we found ourselves in Bangsar in what turned out to be a Japanese themed pub. A first for me, The Talk in Bangsar is a pub slash sushi bar with a variety of sushi, maki and tempenyaki items on the menu in addition to other items you would expect from a bar.

This was also to be the first of many over-priced establishment so far as the drinks were concerned. Predictably a cheap-skate, I ordered the cheapest, alcoholic thing on the menu which turned out to be a bottle of Tiger. Good old Tiger.

The occasion for the gathering was Ian’s birthday. To protect his studability I will omit his age (that, and the fact that I don’t know exactly – but let it be known that he’s old). A sadistic tradition amongst this crowd is to order the birthday boy or girl a Flaming Lamborghini.

Contructing the Flaming Lamborghini: Ian’s eyes light up in anticipation.Heating the flammable, preferably cheap alcoholic substance.Impressive blue vapor, which unfortunately wasn’t captured so well by this cameraThe exact ingredients of a Flaming Lamborghini have eluded me ever since that first time I encountered it in Shenanigan’s in Kota Kinabalu back in 1999. The premise is simple though: take four of your favourite alcoholic substances, one must be flammable (and for that reason, preferably cheap). Two must be colourful (my first encounter was red and green, but tonight it was green and white – Peppermint Liqueur and Bailey’s) and one was must be goddamn awful.

Stack some glasses in a fancy manner to form a reasonably stable tower, but in such a fashion that it will allow the alcohols to run into the bottom glass when you pour it from the top of the tower.

Then, fill the very bottom glass with your goddamn awful alcoholic substance, before you pour the flammable, preferably cheap alcoholic substance starting at the very top of the tower. Light the tower to create a towering inferno.

Next, and this has to happen very fast – the birthday boy or girl (in this case Ian), sticks a drinking straw into the bottom glass and sucks with all their might. Whilst they are doing this, the remaining two alcoholic substances are poured along the path of the flammable, preferably cheap alcoholic substance.

Ian sucking like Animal Rescue trying to save a hamster in a pipe (flames slightly exaggerated for effect).If all goes well (and you can assume that it’s going well as long as nobody’s hair catches on fire), all the alcoholic substances will end up in the bottom glass, hot and flaming – hence the flaming part of flaming Lamborghini – and in the process of being sucked by the birthday boy or girl (remember, it’s Ian in our example).

One, assuming it follows a substantial amount of casual drinking, usually achieves the goal: to get the birthday person pissed. However, if after 30 minutes the birthday person has not cried “uncle” or is still standing, repeat the steps until such time they do (just crying is also sufficient), or until they fall over, which ever comes first.

Ian, clever old man that he is, cried uncle before any more Flaming Lamborghinis could be ordered and the crowd dispersed shortly after that.

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