I took my Flabby Gut for a run last night - the first real exercise I’ve had in two weeks, which Flabby Gut loves of course - I’ll show him yet.

Following the exertion of a 2km run and 3km walk, I napped. Well, I planned to nap and then the nap turned into a full on 90 minute snooze-fest, which at 6pm at night of course does nothing for the desire to sleep at a decent bed-time later on.

So in a state of self-induced insomnia I sat perched in front of my computer, online, ready to blog only to find… my server is down. It came back up briefly, only to have me work on a post for 1 hour before it downed again never to return. Sigh. So sweeping changes will be made, sweeping.

I’m just waiting to receive the credit card that took me only four applications and 16 months to get approved for. Why the big deal? Well, I’m an Expat in Malaysia not earning an Expat salary - life is not as easy as it could be.

The first piece of credit card debt EVER that I will rack up, is my own reseller account.

More about that later.

Whoohoo! As I previewed this post past of the one I worked on last night reappeared - I’ll finish it and post it later. Yah!

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I was in training today, the whole day. I drank way too much coffee and considering the piss-weak beans I’ve been sipping on recently, this stuff all but dissolved the spoon I was stirring it with. I feel a bit sick actually and of course, won’t be going to bed at an hour anyone will later describe as decent.

Not that that stopped me from having a 30 minute power nap earlier on, which will also not contribute to my sleepiness, but I’ll deal with that issue when it arises, or in this case, when it doesn’t.

On the one hand the training was interesting.

A rep from the company that represents our hotel came over to show us how to efficiently work the system, which, did I realise, we knew virtually nothing about. Encouraging was the figures showing how my year fiddling with, tweaking the and increase search engine rankings of our website helped. In fact, we’ve shown at 1200% plus increase in room nights booked from our website over last year. Sure it’s a huge percentage, but it only goes to show how few bookings originated from the website before.

On the other hand, it was a bit boring.

We were positively flooded with information. I struggled, in the boring parts, to focus, but luckily it was peppered, albeit sporadically, with bits of information that interests me. I was nevertheless glad when it was done for the day. Another session tomorrow.

I usually spend my days in front of the computer, researching, linking, tweaking, designing, etc, (and looking at my increasingly flabby gut its becoming easier to tell) - but today I spent the whole day in training away from the warm, inviting glow of my CRT monitor (I’m queued, possibly last, for the ongoing upgrades taking place). I was starting to shake due to Cathode Radiation withdrawal, so I rushed home to bask in the glow of my LCD screen, which took the edge off.

I started trawling through blogs and per random coincidence landed back on a site had I visited before and enjoyed reading then too. Becky writes Girl in Short Shorts. Becky’s most recent post, another post about odd things in American schools, is about a poor teacher who got into trouble for trying to make her class fun and was preceded by this scything review of Britney Spear’s doomed-to-fail comeback attempt. In a very sadistic way, I really enjoyed this, as it drew me in to share her vividly described emotion (Becky’s, not Britney’s) - maybe I’m just in a black mood, but after reading it I felt like spitting and saying “damn right, bitch!”.

I’ve bookmarked her site, for a good read (and viewing the profile pic every now and then, hmmm). Unfortunate for guys though. Sigh. Anyway, this her site (Becky’s, not Britney’s).

I took last week off and really got going into this whole blogging thing, but I now realise it’s much more difficult to write after wringing out all the creative juices at work. I did manage to squeeze something a little odd (for me) out at corny-poems, which I actually quite like - I was starting to think my shit is beyond (or sub) corny and unreadable, but the last two I enjoyed myself.

So there is hope yet.

I haven’t done the Doulos article - perhaps I need to eat something to shake this horrible caffeine buzz.

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I stumbled across this mother’s blog and an entry she made about the toys she found in her kids’ McDonald’s HappyMeal. If it wasn’t such a huge, disturbing social comment, it would be hilarious. Inside the HappyMeal (and I know my older sister still orders them, but they’re actually aimed at little kids), she found scantly clad figurines of skinny girls wearings tiny crop-tops and even tinier, ass-baring little skirts. Understandably she was outraged.

You’ll have to ban your little kid from leaving the house soon, because she’d wanna dressed like a $5 dollar hooker. Yes, you should be afraid, because you can bet that $5 that she will find a horny little boy that may-or-may-not, but probably will be, much older than her and very willing to pay the price.

And when you question yourself as a parent and wonder where you went wrong with her up-bringing, in a confession she’ll admit “the toys in my HappyMeal made me do it”.

Then girls think it’s normal, boys think it’s normal and before you know it you’ll have sexually active 10 year olds. God help us all. To treat the symptoms the authorities start to think it’s normal too and actually supply these sexually active children with condoms !!! I shit you not, this scenario is based on fact.

But hey, as I saw on Dinoza’s blog, they found a cure for AIDS (sortof), so it’s back to the 70’s with free love for all and this time kids can participate too! But don’t throw away your condoms yet, because that article doesn’t describe an eradication of HIV, it merely suggests that HIV has now been reduced to a chronic illness instead of a certain death disease - if you can afford it of course. And then we have to wait another decade to see what messed-up people we’ll sit with as a result of as-yet-unknown side effects of all those drugs you’ll have to take for the rest your life.

HIV and cures-or-not aside, there’s plenty of other nasty incurable shit you can catch from having unprotected sex, now it seems, even with 10 year olds.

Time for a revival of the chastity belt.

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Here’s a collection of random things that apply to multiple categories.

Rugby

The world champs went home and although politics are pissing on their parade, they have the umbrella of that longed-for euphoria to keep them dry for now. But it’s a tiny, tiny umbrella and the political piss is being blown in from all sides by the winds of change.

The good news is South Africa is now topping the IRB’s world rugby ranking, which as World Cup Champions is their rightful place. Interesting is how Argentina jumped from 6th to 3rd (!) place, thanks mostly to the vicious salt they rubbed in France’s wounds, and is now the number 3 team in the world behind New Zealand who is number two. If, like me, you wonder how that works, it’s all explained here.

Never too old for online dating

Whilst I was surfing my favourite South African news site (favourite, because you don’t make you pay for it when you’re logging in from overseas like the other giant, Naspers, does), I came across this little gem advertised in the sidebar. It’s an online-dating web site’s advert that features random profiles.

Meant to entice you to join, it will give you a little bit of info about who you’re seeing and what they’re looking for. I had to screen-grab this one (might never see it again), because it amused me for several reasons.

First, for relatively conservative South Africa for this distinguished gentleman to date so publicly at all is a huge social achievement. Secondly, I know my mom took a good 10 years to get the hang of this online thing, so kudos to him for doing that too. Then, I think he’s quite possibly the oldest person I’ve ever seen using an online dating service.

It’s probably a bit nasty of me, but first thing I thought when I saw his profile pic was rich, lonely, and extremely rich.

Anyway, chaps to the guy. You gotta wonder how the responses he’s getting are going for him.

Water under Troubled Bridge

I think I might have been one of the first people to travel across the new flyover next to the Kadamunsing Shopping Centre the night that it was opened to the public. Have you noticed how it hangs to the right when you travel over it direction Damai?

I picked up this little morsel of goss from architect and engineering friends of mine the other day: apparently, and these are just rumours, I don’t pretend to state them as facts, they were saving costs. See, usually roads are built slightly higher (nearly imperceptible) in the middle and lower to the sides to facilitate the efficient run-off of water, but this means draining systems on both sides, which clearly is more costly than just doing it on one side. So, slant your bridge to the right and save yourself some dosh.

I’m not sure if they were cutting corners to do this, or whether they had planned it all along, but there you have it. By having the surface slant down from left to right, they only had to fit one side with drainage holes and pipes. Hmmm.

And, I’m not sure, but if there are some mathematical geniuses out there, they could calculate the difference in the volume of the earth/gravel/rubbish used to build the ramp on the Damai side of the bridge, vs. the volume that would be required to make that ramp a proper, smooth decline.

Damn, if you approached that end of the bridge going faster than 40 kph I’m convinced you’d catch some air on the way down. By making it so steep they must have saved tons of earth, or gravel or whatever it is they use to prop it up with, and I wonder how much stuff like that goes for per truck load.

KK Traffic Problems

KK doesn’t have traffic problems. KK has driver attitude problems.

It’s true, there’s possibly 2 cars for every person in KK, but I think the roads can actually handle it. The challenge we face is the every driver is only in it for himself, which is understandable, because if you give one guy a chance, the 5 behind him will take advantage.

In order to make it easier for everybody, everybody has to be kind, patient and giving on the road. If everybody doesn’t do it, nobody will do it, so I can understand that this is going to be an uphill battle. But by making small, attitude adjustments that require very little effort, everybody can contribute to alleviating the traffic situation in Kota Kinabalu.

Tip No.1: Park properly - For instance, in this picture I took today, I returned from lunch to find the car park packed. There was this space, but Mr. or Mrs. Park-I-Cant parked their car in a way which made this space unusable. You see this in car parks every, as if KK sells drivers licenses right next to Pay as You Go phone cards.

Sure, I can squeeze my car in there and then carefully slip through the narrow space I would be left with, but do you think Mr. or Mrs. Park-I-Cant will do the same? Probably not. They will come back and without much regard for my car take little bits of my car’s paint with them by scraping it with their bag / keys / small children or their own car door, thinking nothing of it. My car is already full of little nicks and cuts that mysteriously appear while it’s parked in car parks and I’m not near it.

So park properly, it’s no effort. And if you can’t expertly maneuver your car, please stay at home.

Tip No.2: You’re not the only road user, be considerate - I was forced to drive to KK’s CBD in the middle of the day. I didn’t want to, but I had to. And then what I knew would happen, happened. Stuck in a jam, crawling along at two steps per minute, little grandma’s with walking sticks looking like they’re running past my car.

So cars were pushing and shoving and not respecting yellow boxes and not letting anyone in, but I was patient. Aircon, music, I was ok. Then I circled the Capital Hotel block to look for parking, all the while crawling, when suddenly the Kinabalu Daya Hotel mini-bus in front of me stops. More traffic, I thought, but no - this driver gets out, opens the back and starts to unload supplies, linen, flowers and other rubbish for the hotel from his van.

My incredulous look, hands up asking wtf was only met with a smile and wave of the hand. What could I do? And while he gingerly took his time unpacking the stuff onto the sidewalk, traffic was building up behind me and spilling into the road in front of Little Italy, causing yet more traffic. Eventually, after a good 6 minutes of seeing how many eggs the Daya Hotel uses per day, he hopped in and crawled off. A little further down the road a parking space opened up and he rolled in. I was fuming.

Anyway, watch out for my How-to-solve-KK’s-traffic Tips Series coming up soon.

The Doulos has Left the Building

We went to visit the Doulos last night. Got there, long snaking line of course. Armed with our secret weapon, Julia, we just waltzed straight past and went to the staff entrance where Julia hooked us up with the main man, the Director of the ship, who in turn hooked us up with Marli, the very easy-on-the-eye Media Relations Officer of the ship. She took us through the staff entrance and gave us the skinny on the Doulos.

Check out that article coming up soon too. They left the KK harbour this morning, but they’ll be spending it at Sepangar Bay today, because that’s where they will be refueling before they leave for Brunei, their home for the next 7 days. After that it’s off to the Philippines for some down-time to do a 10 day dry-dock stint for repairs.

The Doulos is a worthwhile project, and if I could afford to go without pay for so long, I would actually consider joining it. If you can afford to live on the ship, do good is many different countries while you live off sponsorship, then do go check out their website at www.mvdoulos.org for the requirements.

And that wraps it up for Issue I of Random Snippets.

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With a start I just realised something.

I’m at work (taking a brain break now), I was pouring hot water in my giant-cup with the weak green-tea bag for the umpteenth time this morning, not thinking about this in particular, when, like crap on your shoulder from a random, spiteful pigeon, a thought dropped in on my mind.

The realisation was that in my life, at least four women (that I know of) got married to the next guy they dated after me.

I’m unsure how to feel about this, because I’m not sure whether to see this as a good thing or a bad thing. I guess women who get married will necessarily have to do it with the guy they see after the guy they saw last, unless, of course, the guy they marry is the first guy they’ve ever been with. You follow?

But out of the not-so-large collection of relationships that I’ve had since my very first one when I was 16, is having 4 women marry the next guy not a large number? Percentage wise, it’s a double digit figure not too far from 50. Should I be alarmed?

Almost a Virgin-taker

It actually happened to my very first girlfriend, which in the context of this perceived flash-crisis is more disconcerting than the rest.

Renee. Ah, sweet girl, but I was young and innocent, immature and confused and the way things were going we were both going to lose our virginities, which at the time would have been morally and religiously reprehensible and thus, I terminated the relationship with a stupid excuse that I wanted to “experience other girlfriends”, clearly thinking that if we gave ourselves to each other, marriage would be necessitated and at such a young age, would be the end of my single self.

Well, she went on to date the hunky rugby player Hans, and years later when I bumped into her again she had married the guy. I was perplexed by an emotion then similar to what I experience now, but I admired her for getting married a virgin - or, losing her virginity to the guy she ultimately married, which ever way it went.

Virgin-taker

Several years and a few girlfriends later I dated Carine. Hot chick with large boobs that she had actually had reduced. As large as they still were I couldn’t help but wonder (fantasize) how large they were to start with. Anyway, she took my virginity so that was the end of that worry, but our relationship was superficial and largely based on equally large breast and the allure of an inexperienced boy. When the one lost its novelty and the other became a lie, the relationship died a fairly painless death for both parties concerned.

Well, she went on to date a hunky Dutch guy who could have been named Hans, and years later when I bumped into her online she had married the guy.

A little bit of Culture, a lot of Religion and no Sex

Not so many years and not so many girlfriends later I met Fransonè. South African woman at her best, but oh so Afrikaans, very religious and reminded me of my chaste days and thus the short relationship was sexless. It was a relationship with a pre-determined expiry date as I met her in the months leading up to my first ever overseas adventure.

The goodbye was nevertheless emotional as we had shared much and on a cultural and background level I guess she was the woman I had had connected with strongest during my formative years (I was not yet 21 and still forming). Shortly after our break-up I left to go overseas.

Well, she went on to date a hunky guy not named Hans at all, and two years later when I bumped into her at Canal Walk, I couldn’t help but notice that was sporting a huge rock on her ring finger and she had married that guy.

Da Ai Zai Jung Guo - 大爱在中国 (Big Love in China)

Many years and not so many girlfriends came and went and I myself got married (it was after a girlfriend, which is quite a controversial story, especially for my xyf - but irrelevant here) and divorced and I had many adventures, triumphs and downers. Eventually the energies of the universe conspired and I found myself in China.

Long story short, Karen stole my heart on Wudang Shan. But shortly after this relationship started it was also marked to expire when I decided that I had to return to Malaysia to be near my son. In spite of this we had a whirlwind romance and got very near and dear to each other in a very short time and this farewell was positively heartbreaking. I left China to return to Malaysia.

Well, she went on to date a hunky… well, I hope he was hunky and not some random bloke from an influential family that her parents organised for her (although that is probably what happened). Anyway, I recently got hold of King (the foreign language teacher formerly known as Prince) and he updated me saying that Karen had gotten officially married.

When I read it in his email, what I felt was strangely familiar, but I had given it no thought and pondered not the familiarity of the scenario until just then that fateful moment, minutes ago when I was pouring hot water into my giant-cup with the weak green-tea bag for the umpteenth time this morning.

And having recollected and notched on my belt these four women, who got betrothed to and, consequently, unified with the very next fellow following the demise of the relationship I had with them, I’m still not sure what it is I’m feeling.

Ponder

Do I feel honoured because I think I was such a great loss that they felt they should grab and ball-and-chain the very next bloke that comes along out of fear that they would let another great catch such as myself slip through their fingers? (Bwahaha, enough vanity to power a small country). Or…

do I feel like I was slapped with a wet, smelly trout across the face because they felt that following the heartache and torment that I introduced into their previously tranquil lives, all they want to do is remove themselves from the dating pool and live out the remainder of their ruined lives in the arms of a man who perhaps they think they love, but who certainly love them and a hellavulot better compared to the ruin they found in me?

Or still, am I completely delusional, perhaps high on a weak-tasting-but-actually-quite-strong green-tea brewed from a low-on-taste-but-high-in-oomph green-tea bag causing me to over-analyse unbelievably trivial manners when really I should be working?

Yeah. That last one.

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