A few Chinese boyfriends are sitting around a table sipping strong green tea. They are bantering about their conquests and their present activities with their hot girlfriends. The hot girlfriends, obviously, are not present.
“Ei, Gommer!”, the one shouts to his buddy, “wo gei ni shuo”, roughly translated as ‘I’ll tell you this’. His buddy listens attentively, his own relationship being as bland as a low sodium meal on a vegetarian flight, hungry for some juicy goss on the conquests of his friend. “Last night, eh”, he pauses for effect, “I got lucky!”.
“Ai ya! Jin de?”, his buddy says finding it hard to believe. “Tell me more”. “Well”, he continues, “last night”, he takes a sip of strong green tea, “I… held her… hand!”. They both throw their heads back, laughing from their tea-filled bellies, relishing the explicit details of this filthy conquest.
“Ni men feng le”, interrupts another, listening to their stupid banter, calling them both crazy. “That’s not getting lucky!”. The other two abruptly end their laughter and move to the edge of their seats, ready to listen to an experienced man relaying the gritty details of his exploits.
“A few nights ago, ah”, he starts, wetting his lips like a lion about to bite into the rump of a young deer he had just killed, blood still warm, “I was with my girlfriend, sitting on the dark, empty pavilion overlooking the sports field of the college campus”. The other two give each other knowing looks with sly grins. This story has erotica written all over it.
“There was nobody around. We were all alone”. One of the two adjusts his position on his seat; his pants are becoming a little… uncomfortable. The guy continues, “So, I pulled her closer. A bit rough, you know, to show her who’s in control. She liked it.”.
The second one quivers like a scared little girl in boy’s dark room for the first time, anticipating the pornographically explicit details which are sure to follow. “So, I did it.”, he says, eyes twinkling, grinning as wide as his ears allows, “Right then, right there, no thinking, no hesitation. Just like that”. The two listening were both drooling, tongues out and flapping, ugly, little lap dogs uncontrollably responding to the chocolate their master was devouring right in front of them.
“Right there?”, squeaks the one. “Just like that?”, adds the other in a hoarse, dry voice. The guy telling the story sits back in his wooden chair, taking a long, elaborate sip of his green tea, savouring the admiration of his inexperienced, virginal listeners.
“Did you use your tongue?”. “Pffffttttt”, the Experienced One spits the tea across the table, nearly choking at the shock of hearing such a question. The other two quickly scoot back in their chairs to avoid the spray.
“What!?”, he exclaims coughing, offended to the core at the mere implication of what had been asked.
“NO!!!”, he screams, red in the face, ready to reclaim his honour with his bare fists and a half-full pot of lukewarm tea, “Do you think I’m some kind of pervert?? I kissed her cheek using my lips only!!!”.