It has been rough few days. Emotionally rough. In fact, so rough that I couldn’t even blog about it. I had to let it simmer in my mind and let it cool down first.
Let me see what I can remember. I don’t really remember what happened after K visited the Moneyman in his office. That was Wednesday. On Thursday, the Sadist (the teacher who,it seems,is employed only to intimidate and punish the students) gave her two extra classes with the Grade 7′s. So, if I remember correctly, our date was delayed.
After that it was very short. She had to go home to rest, was her reason. I managed to get some information out of her about what else the Moneyman had talked about. “Funny”, she said, “he had asked about you.” Apparently about how my classes were, and about my accent. I was offend by the accent question.
On Friday, J invited me and a couple of other teachers out to dinner. There was the Short Round Guy with Glasses, the Computer Guy, the Student Teacher and, of course, K and I. I wondered to myself why I said yes to this outing as they got into a cab, and nearly left without me. I knew how it would be, and I knew that a night of frustration was lying in wait, because they would speak mostly Chinese. I tried to prepare myself but failed.
I was already tired and a bit emotional, because K had been very light on conversation and overall contact with me in the week. At dinner, it went as expected, and lots of Chinese conversation took place. So, I drank beer. A bad habit, I know.
The dinner went ok. They had K and myself sit next to each other. We pretend nobody knows, everyone else pretend they don’t know, and then they insist that we sit next to each other. Perhaps because her English is good.
We ate what looked and tasted like small lobsters. “What are these?”, I had enquired from J in one of few opportunities I had to engage somebody in conversation. “Not sure what it is in English”, he replied. “Where do they come from?”, I asked again. “They swim around in the rice fields” was his reply. I was a bit sceptical, as that meant that these were really just huge insects. They were delicious nevertheless, and I paid no further thought to their origins.
We were wearing plastic gloves to eat them as they were quite messy. K had literally torn a path through the large bowl, as she was munching through them. She had a clearly well practiced technique. Her hands, consequently, were quite messy. J said something in Chinese about a bit of lobster being displayed on K’s face. He lent forward from where he was sitting opposite her at the other side of the table, and awkwardly tried to flap the tidbit of her lip. Sort of the way you would try to shoo a fly. He failed. I noticed, took a clean napkin, attracted her attention and with the care of a mother towards her new-born child, I softly, slowly and carefully wiped her clean.
I know J’s mouth was hanging open, and I didn’t then notice the rest of the table.
“Can I have some green tea, please?”, was one of two sentences she had said to me all night, me wiping her mouth obviously making her lips dry (haha, ego alert). She was sitting to my left and I had earlier moved her green tea to my right where there was space and it would be out of reach to be knocked over.
I picked up the bottle (yes, in a bottle), opened it, and placed it softly in her hand. She precariously balanced it and put it to her mouth. It sort of fell the last bit of the way, as it wasn’t balanced well. She drank a sip, and I could see that because of the balance and her grip by only her fingers on the bottom part of the bottle, she wouldn’t be able to bring it up right again. As she brought the end of the bottle down and anticipation of the end of her sip, I swiftly, yet softly, assisted the bottle and carefully took it out of her hand.
I screwed back the cap and as I turned my head from left to right to place the bottle back in the safe area of the table, I had the whole table in my field of view. I noticed everyone had stopped what they were doing for a second and was staring at me and K. I could feel myself flush a wee bit. The rest of the dinner was uneventful. I, by then, had chalked up an impressive collection of empty beer bottles, as the only thing I could really do, was toast the other members of the party.
Somebody suggested, as somebody usually does, that we should go sing. Off we went. I didn’t walk near K on purpose, so as to strengthen the illusion that there was nothing between us. In hind sight, I remember her walking with J and the Computer Guy, and I was walking with another teacher who had joined us.
The Karaoke was a disaster. Post the walk the alcohol had spread nicely through my body. I was a little drunk. We sat down, and again people ‘arranged’ for K and I to sit together. I was to her right again. She shifted her weight a little on her left hip, as a result tilting away from me. Not entirely by accident, I suspect. I felt a little frustrated. I was left with the other teacher and the Short Round Guy. We didn’t talk. I simmered. Somebody said sing this, sing that. I declined, and drank. Quickly.
I noticed K toasting everyone but me. She poured beer for the people close to her, but ignored me. I stood up and left, without saying a word. I was waiting for the Zhong Ba (the small, reckless bus) down stairs, when she came running down. “What are you doing?”, she asked, out of breath. “Going home”, I said, “I’m being ignored, I might as well not be there”. “Come back, please”, she said. She said some other things, but I now cannot remember them.
I returned and sat down. I emptied my half-cup of beer. The Short Round Guy half-filled me up, but before he had put the jug down, I emptied my glass again. He obviously saw this as a challenge and filled me up again, I emptied it again. He filled me up once more, only for me to empty it again, before K turn and took my glass away. I thought she was going to fill me up, and in my state of drunkenness only realised some time later, that she did in fact take my cup to prevent me from drinking anymore.
I sat there, emotionless. She joked, poured and drank with J and the Computer Guy, ignoring me. The computer guy lent over, said something, and she threw some pop-corn at him. I got really pissed off. She ignores me and then play-plays with this guy? I stood up, told the new teacher and the Short Round Guy that I had an early class in the morning and should go, stood opposite J, told him the same thing, and left.
I didn’t wait for the bus, instead I walked away as fast as I could. A little down the road, I flagged a Zhong Ba, and zoomed off. I had travelled for maybe 5 minutes when I realised what I did was stupid. Walking away from my emotions is not a habit, even though my track record might testify differently.
So I stopped the bus, crossed the road, and caught another Zhong Ba back. Within moments (I was a little drunk, it could have been longer) I was back at the place. Remarkably I found it quite easily. I zoomed up the stairs, and stood at the entrance, trying to see K. I couldn’t clearly see the whole area, but I could see her seat, and I saw that J was sitting in it. She was not there. Just then the other teacher came past. “Where’s K?”, I asked. She pointed up stairs to the loo, and she walked pass.
A while later she came back down. “It’s quite busy,” she said, “maybe you should go.” “Go where?”, I asked. “Home”, was her simply reply. I went upstairs, saw the lights were off (they are noise activated), knocked on the door and saw there was nobody there (small loo). I was confused. I thought K had left, so I left too.
I walked out, feeling very frustrated, very hurt, very confused, and very drunk. I punched a tree. Hard. I wanted my hand to hurt so that my head and heart could divert their attention. It worked, my hand hurt. I walked fast. My phone rang. It was J. “We’re going home, where are you?”, he asked. “I’m walking home”, I said, before asking, “is K there?”. “Yeah,” he said and passed the phone. I had a brief conversation with her, I can’t remember what we said. I continued walking.
After some time, a taxi stopped next to me. It was K, alone in the car. She jumped out, walked up to me and said “Hey, what are you doing? Go home safely, ok? Remember, I love you. The taxi is waiting, I gotta go”, jumped in the taxi and disappeared. I felt stupid. I felt embarrassed. I made two fists and beat my hands together. It hurt almost as much as the tree did.
I decided to take a bus. I was at least another half hour’s walk from home, and now had not so much angry energy anymore. I waited at the bus stop – another taxi stopped. This one was packed. It was J, the other teacher, the Student Teacher and either the Computer Guy or the Short Round Guy. J got out and said “get in the car, lets go home together”. “No”, I replied stubbornly, “I’m ok, thanks. I’m waiting for the bus”. A short backwards and forwards ensued. J insisting I go with them, me insisting I wait for a bus.
I felt annoyed that I had been just a table decoration for the entire evening, and now they wanted to pretend they care and force me to do something I didn’t want to. I won out and they left, J saying that he’d wait for me at school. I caught a bus shortly after that.
And true as Bob, they waited for me at the gate. I saw them from a distance as I walked down the short road leading from the main road where the bus dropped me. I didn’t look at them, but I politely said “Thank you for waiting” as I walked pass. “Good night”, said somebody. I raised my hand in a brief wave and replied in a pleasant tone of voice “good night”.
I got naked, stashed my contacts, brush my teeth and plopped into bed. I knew things would be awkward the next day.