As a foreign man in Asia, you drag along with you all sorts of stigmas. We have been perceived, especially by local men, to ’steal away’ local women through whatever misconceptions abound: lots of money (usually), the promise of a better future in a different land, etc.

I’m not sure about most, but I certainly have no motive to come and ’steal away’ any country’s women… on purpose. I don’t have lots of money (albeit said that this is often true of Brits and Americans, but my meager South African Rands are worth little more than the Yuan and less than most other currencies) and I’m not so sure I can promise a better future in a different land. There is also most certainly no etc.

Of course, the Ex is Malaysian, but these things happen and that was because of love, not money. I think. I do not travel to particular countries with any sinister schemes, but you can’t hide from love.

So is it then that I often find myself in situations where I might appear more attractive than I am. Take this foreign teaching job for instance. Compared to local salaries I earn quite a lot, even though on this salary I would barely be scraping by in South Africa. My work load is comparable to the western world, but is a breeze compared to the hard working Chinese.

To the casual Chinese observer, especially jealous male types who don’t bother to actually get to know me, it might appear as if my life is all rosy and hassle free, which, of course, it isn’t.

I therefore am at odds to explain the actions of one of my fellow male Chinese teachers.

K and I have been spending every evening together. After class we will go for a coffee and walk, spend maybe an hour or so together and talk about the day and other less important things. About four teachers (that we know of) have spotted us waiting together at the bus stop. Not sure if it IS the main topic of conversation amongst the gossip mongers, but it certainly has potential to be.

Therefore, some people might be suspecting there is something going on and at least one person knows for sure. The Gateman. Last Friday we went dancing and he was there as usual. The three of us danced together, and K and I were dancing rather closely. He saw that. Then, apparently, two nights ago he saw us walking together, hand in hand and arms around waists. He’s a cool guy, but I nevertheless promised him a beating if he told anybody. He respects my wishes.

Then there’s J, the co-worker. K and I went to the supermarket to buy something and on the way back we were talking about something. At just the moment I lent very close to her ear to say something, he came walking up the road. When I looked up from what I was saying, us both laughing, I saw him and caught his eye. He froze for just a second before continuing and greeting us without saying anything unusual. I knew then he had picked up on something.

He’s married, and happily so. That was my impression. His wife is quite pretty and he’s a man of decent character, so I really am quite puzzled by his behaviour.

I’ve noticed him being awfully nice to K in the week leading up to us going to Wudang Mountain, which is the event after which we started this ’something’. The previous weekend though, she publicly and, at that time quite innocently, invited me to have dinner with her and her friends.

His behavior towards her was familiar to me. He would be overly kind to her, offer to help more than what was required, bring her snacks, etc. Nothing, in itself, wrong with that, but in the context of a married man acting like this towards a pretty young girl, it’s a bit questionable, at least.

Familiar to me, because thinking back at my own failed marriage, it was a situation exactly like this that caused trouble for me. And like him, at the time, I wasn’t able to identify this behavior as inappropriate or dangerous to myself and my family.

After Wudang Mountain, as K and my contact, talking and meetings intensified, so did J’s “courtship”. He would invite her to dinners, karaoke and the like, most of which she refused, except the quick dinner/snacks just outside the school gates, or when it involved several people; innocent enough.

At fist I thought, having not seen his wife around for months, she might be out-stationed and he’s misdirecting his affection. Then last Monday we had dinner together, 5 of us, his wife included. They seemed happy and she was in fact not out-stationed. The few days following that, he was acting normal’ish again, so I brushed off my uneasy feelings as just being jealous or over-sensitive.

Then Wednesday he asked K to dinner again, alone. She messaged me, and I said that perhaps my perceptions (which she didn’t agree with at first) were rooted in jealousy and a tad of over-sensitivity-slash-over-protectiveness in light of my feelings for her. So, I said swallowing my feelings trying to convince myself he’s inviting her because dinner is culture in China, she should go to dinner with him, I’m sure it’s all innocent and part of the cultlure. Even tough eating in groups are more the culture than eating in pairs. I guess I wanted to be wrong.

The dinner, thankfully, was short. I tried not to worry, but failed. Then last night, he made all doubt disappear.

She texted me from the office to say he once again invited her to dinner, but this time he phoned her from his apartment near the school. He said he had cooked too much food and that she should join him.

Their apartment is bachelor style, in that it’s really just one big room; bed, couch, table, all in one. The kitchen is the living room is the… bedroom. Incidentally, this night was one of only two nights on which his wife, also a teacher, but at a different school, works late. K politely declined, saying that she wasn’t hungry.

And that is the situation. Now the part that I’m confused about is this: does he have a crush on her or is there another motive?

The Crush Theory: perhaps his wife is very busy, they don’t spend much time together, they have become somewhat distant. In the office he has a very beautiful, very kind, very lively young co-worker with who he spends the whole day and ‘assists’ a lot because they both teach the same grade. In such a situation a strong, but inappropriate bond forms, the dangers of which are not obvious to the parties involved (at least the stupid male, trust me, I know) and is innocent enough if contained.

The Other Motive: J, who has dealt with my contract, knows what I get paid, knows how much I work, knows what I get from the school in exchange for really just being a native English speaker, is perhaps, without flattering myself, a tad jealous. Not because I’m dashingly handsome, filthy rich, have a generally easy life and have women hanging on every word I say, but perhaps because he perceives me that way.

Perhaps he is one of those brazenly patriotic males who wants to protect the women of his country from the evil “Foreign Devils” who come here and steal them away. To that aide, he is trying to “court” K for the good of the country (and not his own selfish gain), in order to save her from my clutches in case we get married and I whisk her away robbing China of yet another beautiful asset. If that is true he is really doing the country a favour.

An estimate, according to the CIA Factbook, is that the ratio of males to females is 1.12 (most extreme at birth). So, for every 1,000 males, there are only 890 females, until you get to 1,000,000 males, you find you only have 890,000 females. Really, J is a Folk Hero; he’s doing it for the little guy; he’s standing up and fighting bare fisted for those 110,000 males per million who will be left girlfriend and/or wifeless; who will be potentially worse off, because of Foreign Devils like myself.

So, Cheater or Hero? As I don’t really understand the intricacies of the culture, the above might well be misconstrued and entirely garble. It is quite possible that I don’t know what I’m talking about.

What do I know anyway? The general male, perhaps.

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This song is by Hua Er Yue Dui, or Flower Band, and is entitled Hua Die Fei, which roughly translated means Transformed Flight.

Aparently, of their last album it was said that a big chunk of their songs were ‘adapted’ from other artists. One of their other popular songs, Xi Shua Shua for instance, was sung by a Japanese artist in 2003 already, and although that was a mellowed-out, slow song, the chorus is obviously that on which Xi Shua Shua was based.

I have the Russian, presumably original, version of this song (hua die fei) on VCD, and they are virtually alike.

Sure, they may have been debunked as plagerists, but this a good dance song nevertheless, and for me a nice pick-me-up to listen to too. Plus, I’d rather learn Chinese than Russian.

So, for your sing-along pleasure, here’s the pinyin and translation as far as I could muster it - which wasn’t very far.

You know how it works, first characters, then pinyin (P), then the literal translation (L) and then idiomatic translation (I). Idiomatic is my own interpretation and could well be way of the mark (plus, this band’s songs are notoriusly difficult to interpret - for me, at least).

Song Name: hua die fei
Band: Flower Band (hua er yue dui)

化蝶飞~~~化蝶飞~~~
P: hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~ hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~
L: melt butterfly to fly, melt butterfly to fly
I: Fly Transformed, Fly Transformed

因你沉鱼落雁而陶醉
P: yin1 ni3 chen2 yu2 luo1 yan4 er2 tao2 zui4
L: because you beautiful woman infatuated with
I: I really enjoy your beauty

扑拉扑拉飞扑拉追相随
P: pu1 la1 pu1 la1 fei1 pu1 la1 zhui1 xiang1 sui2
L: throws and pulls, throws and pulls, flies like that
I: Flapping noisily, flying along

baliyahay baliyahay baliyahay baliyahay~~~

baliyahay baliyahay baliyahay baliyahay~~~

扑拉扑拉飞扑拉追紧相随
P: pu1 la1 pu1 la1 fei1 pu1 la1 zhui1 jin3 xiang1 sui2
L: throws and pulls, throws and pulls, flies like that closely
I: I: Flapping noisily, flying along following closely

只要你拌美我情愿破碎无所谓~~~~
P: zhi1 yao1 ni3 ban4 mei3 wo3 qing2 yuan4 po4 sui4 wu2 suo3 wei4 ~~~~
L: so long as you mixes beautiful I would rather broken indifferent

I:

春风来作陪秋叶去点缀朝齐飞~~~~
P:chun1 feng1 lai2 zuo4 pei2 qiu1 ye4 qu4 dian3 zhui4 zhao1 qi2 fei1
L:
I:

愿天公作美成全你我天仙配
P: yuan4 tian1 gong1 zuo4 mei3 cheng2 quan2 ni3 wo3 tian1 xian1 pei4

化蝶飞~~~化蝶飞~~~

P: hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~ hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~
L: melt butterfly to fly, melt butterfly to fly
I: Fly Transformed, Fly Transformed

因你沉鱼落雁而陶醉
P: yin1 ni3 chen2 yu2 luo4 yan4 er2 tao2 zui4

扑拉扑拉飞扑拉追相随
P: pu1 la1 pu1 la1 fei1 pu1 la1 zhui1 xiang1 sui2

化蝶飞~~~化蝶飞~~~

P: hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~ hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~
L: melt butterfly to fly, melt butterfly to fly
I: Fly Transformed, Fly Transformed

因你阴晴圆缺而喜悲
P: yin1 ni3 yin1 qing2 yuan2 que1 er2 xi3 bei1

扑拉扑拉飞扑拉追无悔
P: pu1 la1 pu1 la1 fei1 pu1 la1 zhui1 wu2 hui3

baliyahay baliyahay baliyahay baliyahay~~~

baliyahay baliyahay baliyahay baliyahay~~~

扑拉扑拉飞扑拉追人自醉
P: pu1 la1 pu1 la1 fei1 pu1 la1 zhui1 ren2 zi4 zui4

只要你沉醉我情愿成灰无所谓~~~~
P: zhi3 yao4 ni3 chen2 zui4 wo3 qing2 yuan4 cheng2 hui1 wu2 suo3 wei4 ~~~~

春天的妩媚夜恋花香美终成灰~~~~
P: chun1 tian1 de wu3 mei4 ye4 lian4 hua1 xiang1 mei3 zhong1 cheng2 hui1 ~~~~

愿天公作美成全你我天仙配
P: yuan4 tian1 gong1 zuo4 mei3 cheng2 quan2 ni3 wo3 tian1 xian1 pei4

化蝶飞~~~化蝶飞~~~
P: hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~ hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~
L: melt butterfly to fly, melt butterfly to fly
I: Fly Transformed, Fly Transformed

因你沉鱼落雁而陶醉
P: yin1 ni3 chen2 luo4 yan4 er2 tao2 zui4

扑拉扑拉飞扑拉追相随
P: pu1 la1 pu1 la1 fei1 pu1 la1 zhui1 xiang1 sui2
L:
I:

化蝶飞~~~化蝶飞~~~
P: hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~ hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~
L: melt butterfly to fly, melt butterfly to fly
I: Fly Transformed, Fly Transformed

因你阴晴圆缺而喜悲
P: yin1 ni3 yin1 qing2 yuan2 que1 er2 xi3 bei1

扑拉扑拉飞扑拉追无悔
P: pu1 la1 pu1 la1 fei1 pu1 la1 zhui1 wu2 hui3

music

化蝶飞~~~化蝶飞~~~
P: hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~ hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~

L: melt butterfly to fly, melt butterfly to fly
I: Fly Transformed, Fly Transformed

因你沉鱼落雁而陶醉
P: yin1 ni3 chen2 yu2 luo4 yan4 er2 tao2 zui4

扑拉扑拉飞扑拉追相随
P: pu1 la1 pu1 la1 fei1 pu1 la1 zhui1 xiang1 sui2

化蝶飞~~~化蝶飞~~~
P: hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~ hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~

L: melt butterfly to fly, melt butterfly to fly
I: Fly Transformed, Fly Transformed

因你阴晴圆缺而喜悲
P: yin1 ni3 yin1 qing2 yuan2 que1 er2 xi3 bei1

扑拉扑拉飞扑拉追无悔
P: pu1 la1 pu1 la1 fei1 pu1 la1 zhui1 wu2 hui3

化蝶飞~~~化蝶飞~~~
P: hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~ hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~

L: melt butterfly to fly, melt butterfly to fly
I: Fly Transformed, Fly Transformed

化蝶飞~~~化蝶飞~~~
P: hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~ hua1 die2 fei1 ~~~
L: melt butterfly to fly, melt butterfly to fly
I: Fly Transformed, Fly Transformed

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As I’ve pain stakingly reposted my Blog from HTML pages that I could salvage from Google’s cache, I’ve had to read through most of it again. It’s a trip, I can tell you that. But, not exactly the adventures I wanted to write about.

Most of my adventures appear to be in the emotional realm and, damn, there’s a lot of emotional blogging in this Blog.

It was reading the entries from December and January that has made me feel especially stupid to Blog about my current situation of feeling very much in love again.

Looking back at the whole episode with The Waitress, my emotional struggle, promises to myself and betraying myself, I’m scared to face and write about my emotions of love again. Afraid that I will capture my current emotional euphoria, only for it to lead to dark and danky places, like has my previous threads of love.

I’m in a scary, if not dangerous, place. I’m in love with a woman, the first of her kind; somebody who is beautiful, attractive and popular and who is pursuing me. I’ve had to play so many emotional games with other people over the last period, do so much guess work, that I’m as smitten with her courage as I am with her beauty. I like this; I love it. I love her.

Scary, because I have 3 months left on my teaching contract, following which I will have to make some very difficult decisions.

My main goal is clear, and has to stay unchanged. Get as close to my son as possible. This I have to do, and whatever else I want to do has to fit in with this plan. But this is where it gets really complicated.

Over the last two weeks K and I have been sneaking around. Not sneaking sneaking as such, but you know the story at school by now: twitch a nerve and everyone down to the kitchen staff will ask you about it before your class is over. So we’ve been very discreet.

But last weekend we went up into the mountains, beautiful places that I’ve not known about before. Places that has made dusty, hazy old Shiyan a much more beautiful place. At these places we were a little more free to walk together and hold each other, of course, as far as we could stomach the uncomfortable stares of passers-by.

And virtually every night, after classes are over, we’ve stolen away to KFC (how romantic) for a coffee, an ice-cream or just some French Fries. Talking, giggling, whispering about nothing in particular. From there, she showed me a not-so-public path that leads parallel to the main road, but behind all the buildings along the river, which means it’s relatively quiet.

Here as well, every now and again, we could hug or hold hands, and meander our way home. And so I’ve fallen; hard, fast and deep, for this beautiful creature.

And there in lies the problem.

Do I keep some distance, hide some of my heart and enjoy a superficial relationship; or do I abandon all reason, throw my heart in at the deep end of love and border the edge of a painful death should everything not work out all rosy and bright.

Last night, I mentioned some of these fears to her, and her advice was also relax, and don’t worry so much about the future. Things will sort themselves out, trust her. I won’t read too much into that and perhaps take her advice.

I’ll enjoy this for as long as it’s meant to be enjoyed.

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After two days of re-installing and re-posting my Blog from Google leftovers, it has been restored to it’s former glory.

If only the spammers actually read my Blog, I would tell them that I have switched off the annoying part of B2Evolution that records logs. Also, my Blog host has either forgot to reinstall it, or did so on purpose, but I also now don’t have Awstats. This means that everyone who visits my site are completely anonymous, and I can’t even see where referrer or search engine traffic comes from. Annoying yes, but soothing too.

In fact, I don’t know at all what’s going on with traffic on my site, apart from how much bandwidth is being used, which means that not only doesn’t the spammers bother me anymore, they will now also be completely wasting their own time and resources. Before, at least, I saw the stats and links, but now, nobody sees anything. Not even one.

Writing all this is also an unfortunate waste of my time (as if the rest of it isn’t), because if spammers can read, I’m 100 percent sure they don’t.

So, there. Phew! What hassles those 11 lines of PHP script didn’t cause me. Let’s not do that again.

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So, there I was, about a week ago, thinking I’m pretty clever to hack out a PHP Scripty that would give a big UP YOURS to the referrer spammers who’s been frequenting my site.

The only hitch in my grand scheme of spammer annihilation, was the tiny, minute detail of me actually not knowing what I was doing.

The result? An infinite loop in my script, the crashed shared server of my host and my deleted account. Of course, they didn’t ask any questions, didn’t save any files, they just solved the problem of their crashed server, ie. my account and all it’s content.

That means that more than 6 months worth of posts were wiped, erased, deleted from existence. I was not happy, but as I was the cause of their server crash, what could I do. Note to self: back up regularly and don’t use production servers for your poor knowledge of PHP!!

Lucky for me, Google was a frequent visitor to my site and I could retrieve my entire Blog from their cache. Amazing, isn’t it?

Then, after a week an a half of backwards and forwards with my host, they finally said they’d re-instate my account, and today, finally, it’s working again. So I will start to pain-stakingly re-post my Blog.

In the past week, of course, lots have happened, and I’ve nearly exploded due to lack of posting. But once I’ve got the Blog back to it’s former self, I will update that too.

In the meantime, I see the spammers have gone ballistic, but as it’s not really bothering anyone other than myself, I will let them be. Sigh.

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