I’m a firm believer in the male hormonal cycle.
How else can you explain this emotional roller coaster I have been riding for the last few weeks (months)? Sometimes I’m riding high, tak tak tak-ing my way to the very summit of the roller coaster, feeling good, looking around, enjoying the view and the relative slow pace of the initial ascend.
Other times, and as suddenly as gravity can pull me from the crest, I descent into the dark and scary depths of emotions, unrestrained by mechanical means and free falling driven only by my own weight. Only to be flung left and right as my emotions go through the twisty-turny bits of the roller coaster before I start to feel good again as I go through to the loop.
At the upper most extreme of the loop things are good, but after so much twisting and turning I feel a bit upside down, so I’m feeling good being at the top, yet I’m confused and can feel something is not quite right. That is where I then go into the next dip of emotional darkness followed by some more rapid direction changes of up and down and, in a state of confusion, some left and right, before eventually my emotions level out and are steady for a while.
I’ve never actually plotted this ride on a calendar, but I’m sure if I did it would come around in roughly 30 days cycles. Each 30 period *cough*, I’m sure, characterised by the all too familiar parabole of the female hormone cycle, lending to the ups and downs, PMT, mood swings, one-minute-sads, one-minute-happies that we as men know, loathe and fear so much.
As the cold of Shiyan is getting too much for me and the temperature alone is getting me down, I have decided that the best thing to do is to keep my head down and work hard towards my goal. To avoid contact for a while, except for the weekly calls to my son. Of course, timed appropriately so as to miss the Ex and thereby establish a thread of minimum contact with her.
This will hopefully get me off my emotional roller coaster, or slow it down at least. I know however, she will contact me, usually when she has some emotional need that for some reason she thinks I can fill. As much as me talking about our past relationship is a que for her NOT to contact me, as much is me not contacting her a queue for her TO contact me. And I know, too, that I will probably fall into that emotional trap every time it comes around.
Sucker for punishment. Sadist. Ass. Me.